IExamen 2

James McQuade
Dr. Juniper Ellis
Understanding Literature
IExamen 2
October 30, 2017
The Strength of Meaningful Conversation

When I first approached this assignment, I was a little nervous. I truly was unsure whether I would be able to go a whole day with all my communication being kind, useful, and true. I also expected that this would lead to some funny interactions between my friends and myself. Like many people I am naturally very sarcastic and in this manner always being “kind and truthful” didn’t seem as if it would always be possible. More difficult however was maintaining the condition of useful information. My friends and I love to joke around and often in that manner we will send each other the most random, crazy texts, memes, jokes, etc. Essentially, during the weekend other than when I was in meetings or at mass all my interactions tend to be non-useful or false simply on the basis that I am joking with my friends.
When the day finally occurred yesterday on Sunday, I started off lucky. I woke up late with no texts waiting for me (thank god!). Then I realized I had made plans to get a haircut with my friend so I simply texted him asking when he wanted to go. This interaction was plain and to the point. But, when he picked me up he asked about our formal coming up, whether I was bringing someone. Now, generally I love self- deprecating humor. Luckily, I was being conscious of the conditions of my communication. I had to restrain myself from making a joke because then it would be unkind towards myself. Instead I told him the truth which was that I was unsure and that it was complicated. This actually led to a productive conversation which expanded my own understanding of the relationship that I had with one of my friends and how I viewed that relationship moving forward. In this way, I was pleasantly surprised. By not simply deflecting the question with a joke I was able to have a real and meaningful conversation that enlightened my understanding of a different situation.
After that I mostly slept and then went to tutoring and a work meeting. Both proved pretty simple to maintain my conditions of communication as they are professional environments and generally necessitate that all communication meet these conditions anyway. Then the most trying period of the day came along. I had chimes practice at 9pm. Chimes is our all male acapella group on campus. As you could imagine, when you have a room of 12 college guys who’ve known each other for years and practice runs 3 hours there are many jokes made and some of them not the most kind. While they are not meant to actually harm, we all have “interesting” senses of humor and some of the jokes, always meant with love and kindness, I could not necessarily categorize as “kind” communication and especially not useful. As you might imagine I had to restrain myself a fair amount, especially when one of the freshman chimes walks in and boldly states, “So I broke up with my girlfriend this morning, but  I don’t think she gets it…”. The comments that came flying in after that episode were outrageous and hilarious, but unfortunately all I could say was, which would be my actual advice, she cares a lot about you so let her down easy. In the end I’ve realized, communicating under these conditions caused me to restrain myself a lot. However, it also allowed me to have really productive conversations and I really felt that I was fully representing who I am, whereas sometimes I might hide behind jokes.

IExamen 2

     This past Sunday I followed the instructions and completed the second iExamen that followed the ideas of the first iExamen however this iExamen was more introspective. The instructions for this assignment were to only say things that were kind, useful, and true. Although this was a difficult assignment at first, it was easier as the day went along. This assignment forced me to really think before I spoke and many times I had to catch myself before saying something that would break these rules. This second iExamen was similar to the first as it allowed me to self observe and in my opinion, self observation is healthy, informative, and useful.

     On Sunday morning, I was abruptly woken up by friends who came into my room and shook me and my roommate until we woke up so that we could all get breakfast. Although I immediately wanted to yell at them for waking us up, I checked my phone and remembered that I was not allowed to say anything unkind. During breakfast, I told my friends about the iExamen that I was participating in and they were all very excited that I would not be able to say anything unkind. Although it may have been different, this breakfast was a little better because of the added positivity and lack of negative comments.

     The middle of the day was not very difficult as my friends and I watched two movies and the talking was very limited. It was after the movies, when I Facetimed my parents that they noticed I was acting a little different. During the first couple minutes of the conversation, I told them about the rules of the iExamen and they both immediately commented that they really enjoyed the rules of the iExamen and that they wish I always had to follow the rules. It was very funny yet I realized that it would not be a bad idea to do exercises like this more often. 

            The Jesuit belief of self-introspection is a very important thing to do and it will make everyone around you happier. It is critical to examine your personal behavior and recognize how your actions affect others around you. Going into Sunday, I was not very excited that I had to remain kind, useful, and true when speaking. However after participating, I learned that my friends and I don’t always say the nicest things to each other. Although we are usually messing around, it is important to throw in a nice comment every once in a while to brighten the mood.

iExamen 2

Matt Potvin

Dr. Ellis

iExamen 2

Moving into iExamen two I was extremely excited to continue observing my daily routine as well as the dexterity of my communication. Aware of the benefits I received from last month’s assignment, I dedicated Friday to complete iExamen two’s communication requirements. I found this task much more difficult than the previous, in its stress of a completely honest, kind, and advantageous delivery. Although I never find myself communicating in a malicious, dishonest way, the importance of complete honesty and value in my interaction with others required constant thought. Others quickly noticed the difference in my communication, most likely stemming from the paucity of my comments in an environment that feeds off of joking remarks. It wasn’t even midway through my day, and I realized the absence these three virtues had in the overall form of communication among some of my closest friends.

            As discovered last assignment the absence of technology drastically changes social interaction and the way we interpret technologies effect on our generation. Similarly, in this assignment I found it extremely hard not to indulge in some of the insincerity social media provokes. Specifically, I saw the biggest temptation in a snapchat group chat with my roommates. Within it, my roommates were rambling on about their halloweekend all the while poking fun at one another. Making remarks only centralized within the assignment I found myself carefully analyzing my responses, rather than firing back quips. And although the comments being made weren’t hostile, technology proved to be an outlet to adverse modes of communication.

            The playful chirping among my friends can also be seen as a mode of communication in “The Gilded Six-Bit” by Zora Neale Hurtson. Within the poem the author scripts the couple bickering lightly. As the poem develops, the reader realizes the couples bickering is a frequent occurrence and signifies a playful interaction ending in love. As stressed in this poem and assignment it’s a lot harder to withhold unconventional remarks to those you are close with. I believe the difference could stem from human natures neediness of social acceptance and the fear people less associated with you may misinterpret your playful banter. In correlation, I found honesty, kindness, and sincerity much more natural in public interaction.

I chose to complete this assignment on Friday, October 27. Choosing Friday was a multi-aspect decision made through the amount of free time experienced in addition to my interactions within an academic environment. I found it extremely easy to make useful comments in the classroom. Relating back to the external environments, in class most of the things I said were natural and unprovoked bolstering kind, useful, and true characteristics. I found that the classroom was naturally an environment a majority of my peers also displayed positive forms of communication observing most comments were either kind, useful, and true on a more frequent basis than when in my dorm.

          

The past two assignments have truly made me realize the importance of self-observation and reflection. Communication is a central part of our lives, and the iExamen assignments uniquely challenge’s us to observe our interactions and its impact on the world around us.  This assignments specific practice of expressing only kind, useful, and true comments resulted in another successful experience. Following the assignment, I thought back to my high school motto “Privilege and Responsibility.” I believe we all have the privilege of being able to communicate freely and the responsibility to better our relationships and community through kind, honest, and useful dialogue.

-Matthew Potvin

IExamen 2

Kind, Useful, and True!

Megan Holden

On Saturday, Oct. 28 I made an effort to say only things that were kind, useful, or true. While I consider myself a decent enough person, I knew that I was going to have to make an active effort to maintain this mindset. One of the things that I actually wanted to work on was my sense of humor, because I’ve found at least 12% of what I say when I’m trying to be funny can be just flat out mean. I hoped to put into practice being funny but not at someone else’s expense.

My Saturday began with a late start, where I had planned on getting up at 10 to do some homework but ended up sleeping in until 12. My roommates had also just risen, and we decided to get breakfast together at Boulder. While walking we talked about how fun the Halloween party the night before had been and all that had gone down. We started talking about costumes, and one of my roommates said something about how she didn’t like how “slutty” some girls costumes were, and while I agreed that sometimes the lingerie ensembles grossed me out, I tried to defend those girls. “While I personally wouldn’t wear it, its their choice. They just want to look good and feel good.” My roommates considered what I had said and silently agreed, and the bashing of the costumes conversation was over.

Once in Boulder we ate and hung out for a bit, and we had a few friends stop by our booth to catch up with us. At one point a girl I didn’t recognize came over and started talking to Addy and Emma, and when she left I asked who she was. Addy rolled her eyes and Emma announced that the girl was “arguably the biggest psycho I’ve ever met.” I was confused because she had looked so sweet and normal, so I had them explain. “We literally met her for the first time last night when you were in the bathroom. She came up to us saying she liked our costumes, and by the end of the 30 second conversation she had us on Snapchat, Instagram, and made a group chat with our numbers. She was texting us all night and all morning trying to get us to hang out. Its really excessive and bizarre.” I listened to Emma explain the situation, and normally I would agree with her because the girl did sound like a weirdo. But, as I thought through what I was going to say it made me consider a different perspective. “Yeah, that does sound overwhelming, but maybe she doesn’t go to a lot of parties and was just trying to make some new friends. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be friends with you ladies? It makes sense she’s obsessed with you.” I could have said it in a dismissive and sarcastic tone, but they way I said it was almost so genuine that it made me uncomfortable because I realized how true it was and that I loved being their friends. My admission of love thankfully went over both of their heads and they both were flattered and laughed. They agreed that they were both too cool to pass up, and I nodded because I thought so, too.

Later that day we did some much needed cleaning around the apartment, and I had to tell my roommate some of her habits bothered me but I had to figure out how I would say it. I understand that no person is perfect and that we’re all a little gross, but when my roommate Maggie left her discarded ear-wax chunks on her bureau I just think my horror was fully justified. When she entered the room I pointed at it and just asked, “What is that.” Maggie’s eyes seemed to bulge out of her head, and she looked so embarrassed that I rushed to try to salvage the situation. “It’s okay though, honestly. I accidentally do gross stuff all the time! I was the one who left my bloody tissues all over the bathroom floor that one time.” I was stunned that I had even admitted that, because it had been a long running debate about who had done it and I had avoided suspicion, and since it was so gross I felt my cheeks go red the second I had said it. But Maggie immediately relaxed and smiled as she said, “Ha, yeah that was pretty gross, Meg” and we laughed together. I think with admissions like that, it actually brought us closer together because while we try to hide gross human stuff, were all still just gross humans, and being honest about being gross is hard. But for Maggie and me at least, now we can talk about whose pile of hair is on the ground and it’s totally normal.

Looking back on my interactions that day, I noticed that I wasn’t speaking as much because so much of what I say are the things that pop up into my head, and I say them immediately without much thought. I realized that I think in words, not sentences. To say things that are kind, useful, and true, one needs to be aware of the implications and impact of their words. I realized that taking the time to think through what I say is more demanding and takes longer, but the way I communicate is so much more thoughtful and intuitive that its worth the effort.

iExamen 2

            I chose to do my second iExamen on Friday rather than a Saturday or Sunday to ensure I wouldn’t be tired like I was the last time. I woke up early to study for my first of 3 assessments, a biology quiz with a few girls in my class so there was not much talking unless it was useful (facts about our quiz) and true (at least we thought they were true). This is pretty common for me and didn’t take any extra work or thought to do. The next “conversation” I had that day was quite different from what I normally do.  After my quiz and at the end of my class a classmates and I went up to our biology professor to express our concerns about our lab professor, something I would normally never do. I usually let the teacher evaluations reflect my opinions of how a teacher runs a class. I was very truthful and felt like I only said what could be useful, while I noticed a few other people seemed to let their personal opinion of the professor take over, it gave them a tone that wasn’t too kind and sounded whiney.

            The rest of my afternoon was busy with school related obligations until about 4:30 when I could finally relax. This was hard to do when I was hanging out with my friends because we are all very sarcastic, so even if we say something “unkind” you know it is meant in good humor. This left me with a dilemma, do I communicate strictly in kind, true, and useful ways, or do I communicate so long as the underlying meaning is kind, true and useful?

            I tried to follow the assignment as closely as I could but I found myself being sarcastic and joking around a lot, although it was kind intentions, on the surface it didn’t sound too kind. It was very hard to do because it felt very uncomfortable responding to a sarcastic comment in a very “true, useful, and kind” way. It was kind of awkward and I feel like it made my friends think I wasn’t getting the joke or maybe was in a bad mood, since I normally do not respond like that. Another difficult part to deal with was gossip. Although I am not a super involved in gossip or drama, it still happens and comes up in conversation at times. When it did happen it was very hard to contribute to the conversation. For example, everyone was talking about how one of our friends was being mean/rude recently, and while everyone complained all I could contribute was a phrase along the lines of “well maybe there is something else going on”, which made me feel like my mom since that was always her response if I ever tried to complain about someone/something. I have noticed that it is something I find myself voluntarily saying more often than I used to.

            I don’t think this was an extremely hard task to do for one day, but I imagine extending it for even a week, it would be much more challenging, let alone trying to live like this all the time. It’s easy to be nice and kind and true for a short period of time, but I don’t think (most) people are naturally wired to always be like this. It is something you have to constantly work on and be aware of because I think we naturally like to complain because it can be an easy way to bon and connect with people, and sometimes lying is just easier. Even if that lie is just saying “I don’t know” because you don’t want to think about or explain the correct answer. I think this would be a good exercise to do every month or so just to keep in touch with your purpose of communication and realize how it can affect others.