IExamen 2

Kind, Useful, and True!

Megan Holden

On Saturday, Oct. 28 I made an effort to say only things that were kind, useful, or true. While I consider myself a decent enough person, I knew that I was going to have to make an active effort to maintain this mindset. One of the things that I actually wanted to work on was my sense of humor, because I’ve found at least 12% of what I say when I’m trying to be funny can be just flat out mean. I hoped to put into practice being funny but not at someone else’s expense.

My Saturday began with a late start, where I had planned on getting up at 10 to do some homework but ended up sleeping in until 12. My roommates had also just risen, and we decided to get breakfast together at Boulder. While walking we talked about how fun the Halloween party the night before had been and all that had gone down. We started talking about costumes, and one of my roommates said something about how she didn’t like how “slutty” some girls costumes were, and while I agreed that sometimes the lingerie ensembles grossed me out, I tried to defend those girls. “While I personally wouldn’t wear it, its their choice. They just want to look good and feel good.” My roommates considered what I had said and silently agreed, and the bashing of the costumes conversation was over.

Once in Boulder we ate and hung out for a bit, and we had a few friends stop by our booth to catch up with us. At one point a girl I didn’t recognize came over and started talking to Addy and Emma, and when she left I asked who she was. Addy rolled her eyes and Emma announced that the girl was “arguably the biggest psycho I’ve ever met.” I was confused because she had looked so sweet and normal, so I had them explain. “We literally met her for the first time last night when you were in the bathroom. She came up to us saying she liked our costumes, and by the end of the 30 second conversation she had us on Snapchat, Instagram, and made a group chat with our numbers. She was texting us all night and all morning trying to get us to hang out. Its really excessive and bizarre.” I listened to Emma explain the situation, and normally I would agree with her because the girl did sound like a weirdo. But, as I thought through what I was going to say it made me consider a different perspective. “Yeah, that does sound overwhelming, but maybe she doesn’t go to a lot of parties and was just trying to make some new friends. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be friends with you ladies? It makes sense she’s obsessed with you.” I could have said it in a dismissive and sarcastic tone, but they way I said it was almost so genuine that it made me uncomfortable because I realized how true it was and that I loved being their friends. My admission of love thankfully went over both of their heads and they both were flattered and laughed. They agreed that they were both too cool to pass up, and I nodded because I thought so, too.

Later that day we did some much needed cleaning around the apartment, and I had to tell my roommate some of her habits bothered me but I had to figure out how I would say it. I understand that no person is perfect and that we’re all a little gross, but when my roommate Maggie left her discarded ear-wax chunks on her bureau I just think my horror was fully justified. When she entered the room I pointed at it and just asked, “What is that.” Maggie’s eyes seemed to bulge out of her head, and she looked so embarrassed that I rushed to try to salvage the situation. “It’s okay though, honestly. I accidentally do gross stuff all the time! I was the one who left my bloody tissues all over the bathroom floor that one time.” I was stunned that I had even admitted that, because it had been a long running debate about who had done it and I had avoided suspicion, and since it was so gross I felt my cheeks go red the second I had said it. But Maggie immediately relaxed and smiled as she said, “Ha, yeah that was pretty gross, Meg” and we laughed together. I think with admissions like that, it actually brought us closer together because while we try to hide gross human stuff, were all still just gross humans, and being honest about being gross is hard. But for Maggie and me at least, now we can talk about whose pile of hair is on the ground and it’s totally normal.

Looking back on my interactions that day, I noticed that I wasn’t speaking as much because so much of what I say are the things that pop up into my head, and I say them immediately without much thought. I realized that I think in words, not sentences. To say things that are kind, useful, and true, one needs to be aware of the implications and impact of their words. I realized that taking the time to think through what I say is more demanding and takes longer, but the way I communicate is so much more thoughtful and intuitive that its worth the effort.