iExamen 2

iExamen 2

I attempted to do this assignment many times this past week. Each night I made a point to wake up the next morning with the intention of fulfilling iExamen 2. But I would always forget.  I would make it halfway through the day and I would remember the assignment. By that time, I decided it was too late, I already failed, and would vow to try again the next day. This went on from Tuesday to Friday. On Thursday night, I left a note to myself on my mirror, a place I was bound to look in the morning, that said “Be kind, useful, and true…or else.”

I assumed that I would have a hard time with this assignment, and I was right. I am aware that a majority of my communications with others is full of sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, and gossip. I started my day on Friday with work in the mailroom. I felt the need to announce to my coworkers what I was supposed to do that day. My character was immediately tested when my coworkers started to gossip about people and their Halloween costumes from the previous night. Most of what they were saying was negative and I found myself struggling not to interject my two cents. I found that this was my biggest problem throughout the day. I am not proud of the fact that I often times talk about others and make assumptions. I think that it is a bonding experience to lament with others over mutually disliked people. People bond more over people they both hate rather than people they both like.

Another thing I noticed about how I normally communicate is that I often times talk just for the sake of talking. I make little, useless, irrelevant comments here and there. When I took the time to stop and think of why I do this, I came to the conclusion that I do it to make others laugh. I like to make others smile and laugh but at what expense? Why is putting down others so funny?

I was disappointed with myself at how hard I found this assignment to be. I tried to do this for 3 days to no avail. I am also kind of embarrassed with how many times I slipped up on Friday. Each time I said something negative, I would catch myself and apologize to those I was with. I was in a car with two other friends and was just listening as they complained about a mutual friend of ours. My one friend even said, “Wow, Sydney is being really quiet. She must be annoyed with us or something.” It surprised me how much of my communication with others is negative.

This assignment was a wakeup call for me. I often pride myself in how empathetic and understanding I am of others but do I really practice what I preach? From now on, I am going to try to speak kinder words and talk about others less. But I will not beat myself up if I slip up from time to time. Being kind, useful, and true not only applies to how I communicate with others, but also with how I communicate with myself. Looking in the mirror and being self-critical is a daily routine that I aspire to change. Being hard on myself when it comes to school does more harm than good. This assignment was a challenge, but I am glad that it was. It made me stop and self-reflect on who I am as a person and who I aspire to be.